In my dreams, last night, this phrase kept going over and over in my head. “My way or the highway” How many times I’ve felt this when my strong willed daughter says, “no” to just about everything I ask. I tend to get so frustrated, at some point, I pull out my BIG energy and take the stance “My way or the Highway”. My energy gets dense and strong and immovable. In those moments, I can’t do anything except hold tight to my STAND.
There is absolutely no space for her stance and I use my “power” to over-power her. From this stand, I can get her to move, and yet I do this by withdrawing my love which causes her to feel panicked and drop her stance. Even though I can convince myself this stance, gets me what I want, the price I pay is a loss of connection with joy. When my anger, at not being heard, is so overpowering, I can’t STOP and listen to my daughter. The only voice I can hear is my own.
Today, become aware of when you ask your child to do something and they say “no”. Check in with your energy and see if it is open and flowing or strong and immovable. Play with taking the “My way or the highway” stance from a lighter place and see if you can loosen up your grip of control for the sake of connection with your child.
Today, while talking with a friend, I realized how often when feeling my own fear and worry about my daughter, I am literally saying “I fear you”. Instead of telling her “I love you” I’m giving her the message that “who” she is and “how” she is causes fear in me. When I am in that fearful state, the meta message I am giving her is that “I fear you”. A huge light bulb went off in my mind when I saw it this way. If that is the message my daughter receives, I can see why she wouldn’t want to come toward me. She doesn’t hear my words as concern for her, she hears that she is the cause of my fear. No wonder, she would need to move away from this interpretation to take care of herself. So, when I perceive that she is pushing my sage advice away, I once again have to see what state of being I am in. Fear or love?
Lately, I’ve experience a lot of turbulence due to my circular thinking. When I perceive something from the external, thwarting my need to be seen and heard, I experience a lot of turbulent stirrings in my body which triggers many turbulent thoughts. My mind goes round and round trying to make sense of it all. This happens almost daily with my daughter. She is moving more and more into her own world. When I reach out and she doesn’t appear to be interested in connecting, I jump on my version of a hamster wheel and off my thoughts go.
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