Monthly Archive: August 2010

I Love You

August 29th, 2010 Parenting Advice No comments

I just finished “Zero Limits” by Joe Vitale and Ihaleakala Hew Len, PhD. I’m amazed that I haven’t heard about Ho’oponopono. For a long time I’ve known, and tell the Parent Coaches I train, that anytime a parent comes to you they have come to show you a part of yourself. Never think you are healing anyone. You are there to love yourself and if something comes up in you, in response to them, this is your work.

I also believe this as a parent. When my discomfort arises, in relation to something my daughter is doing, I try to find out what is going on in me. She is just doing what she is doing. What is happening in me, is about me. When I take 100% responsibility, for my part, I’m able to see her without projecting my discomfort onto her. It is challenging, especially when I think she has caused my anger, to return to myself and say “I love you.” So, simple and yet so hard to remember in the heat of the moment. A young part of me, wants to blame her for my pain. I try to get her to take care of my needs. When this happens, I am in the past, and want her to make amends for all the wrongs I feel inside. I’m the one who has to make amends and return to my true nature.

Saying, “I love you, I’m sorry, please forgive me and thank you” are the core of Ho’oponopono and I’m grateful for these simple steps. They support me in cleaning any and all beliefs that could darken my light & love for myself and my daughter.

Practice: Whenever you are judging your child’s behavior see if you can practice saying the simple phrase, “I love you”. Say it to yourself over and over. Remember, you need to hear it from you. Let your child off the hook and return to loving yourself.

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I want what I want

August 22nd, 2010 Parenting Advice No comments

When our children ask for what they want they are exercising the “I want” muscle. This is the beginning of dreaming and opening to the limitless possibilities available to them in our abundant world.

I like to ask parents, “who took them into Toys-R-Us the first time?” Can you imagine being 2 years old and walking in thinking this whole store is for me? They practically run down the aisles ecstatic, grabbing everything they see. At first it is cute so we let them pick out an item, but then they look down the next aisle and want another and another and another. Soon we hear ourselves saying “no, then no you want too much, then finally, if you ask for another thing, I’m going to put everything back.”

I know my daughter’s voracious wanting began to bring up all the times I didn’t get what I wanted. I was told, many times, how selfish I was for wanting so much. So, somewhere in me, I felt I had to teach her to shut down her wanting. Fortunately, I realized how innocent her wanting was and began to support it, even if I couldn’t always fill the desire. I want her to ask and to know that she can have her desires fulfilled. I’ll do all that I can to support her in making them happen, even when I can’t be the one funding them.

Practice: Today, notice what happens, inside you, when you feel your child wants too much. Notice if you inadvertently try to teach her to want less. Try opening, allowing her to want, without thinking you have to be the one to fill those desires.

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The Grip

August 12th, 2010 Parenting Advice 2 Comments

Last night, my daughter came into my room and told me her finger was swollen. I took a look and sure enough she had a bite next to her knuckle and her finger was swelling to about twice the size. As I looked up and saw her face, the right side of her cheek looked like it was stuffed with a little ball. There were 2 more tiny bites on the right cheek, one on her forehead and another on her left cheek, all swelling.

She tried to bend her finger and it hurt. Now, my daughter is extremely healthy and has experienced very little physical pain or symptoms in her body. I could see the fear in her eyes and as I touched the finger she broke down and started crying and acting like she was dying. I GRIPPED! As I did, my mind took a dive…..”was it really hurting that bad, was it a poisonous spider bite and her finger was going to fall off, (I know a little dramatic, but welcome to my grip), should I take her to the emergency room, what if she died in the night and I didn’t make the right choice, or what if I took her to the emergency room and $1000 later they tell me to take her home and put ice on it.” I was in that damned if you do and damned if you don’t place. I was truly gripped.

Now, I spend most of my life working with parents in bringing awareness to their “grip” then taking the time to breathe and relax around it. Practice 101! Oh, how I love to practice, because when I was able to slow down, put my oxygen mask on first, I was able to turn toward my sweet terrified girl and together we found our way! One step at a time.

Practice: When you feel your body gripping, over a behavior or when you don’t know what to do, see if you can focus your attention toward relaxing your grip instead of trying to control your external environment. It only takes a moment, to tell yourself, “I’m here for you.” You’ll be glad you did.

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It’s Not About The Money

August 10th, 2010 Parenting Advice, Unconditional Love 1 Comment

Imparting values, to my daughter, can be tricky business. Often I see the discrepancies about what I say I believe is valuable and what I truly live. I am a firm believer, in theory, of only doing what you love for money. I strive to live out of the saying, “follow your bliss and the money will come.” I’ve often expressed this to my daughter and today I got a challenge to see if this is true.

My daughter is excited about saving her money for an ipad. She was offered a job, working with my neighbor, in his garden which she loves. He told me he’s never seen a kid who loves gardening as much as she does. She comes home, everyday with a smile on her face and some money in her pocket. She is so thrilled that she asked to start a savings account and can hardly wait until her new deposit slips come.

Well, sure enough, I got excited with her and started thinking of all the ways she could make money! Now, remember I’m the one who has told her to do what she loves and the money will come. When a friend asked her to babysit, she said “NO” because she didn’t enjoy it. Then when the neighbor asked her if she wanted to take out his trash and re-cycling (we live in co-housing so she would have to carry it a ways) for $5, she politely said “NO”.

Now before I knew it I heard myself saying, “I thought you wanted money for an ipad?” Then I saw my neighbor and he said, “I was offering her $5 for 20 minutes of work”. The light bulb went on and I looked at him and said, “yes, but she would be doing it only for the money. I’ve taught her to do what she loves and the money will come.” He turned toward me and said, “yea, I still haven’t gotten that one.” I thought to myself, maybe I haven’t either.

Practice: Think about a value you have that you want to impart to your child. See if your actions actually support this value or if you are only giving it lip service. Have fun with this one and maybe, like me, you might enjoy following your own advice.

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Receiving the gift

August 8th, 2010 Parenting Advice No comments

Being a parent can sometimes be demanding and require us to give more than we receive.
Getting stuck in thinking we are only giving can keep us from receiving the gifts our child has to offer.

When I think it is up to me, to keep all the balls in the air, I forget to stop and receive all my daughter has to give. I can focus on how demanding she is and how much I do for her. Slowing down and moving into a more receptive mode, I begin to open to the gifts she is so generously sharing with me.

Today, we worked hard on cleaning up her room. Now from my giving voice, I could tell you I was the only one giving. Most of the time she was just playing and watching. When I open to the receiving voice I will tell you how sweet it was to be with her, how her joy and enthusiasm filled me with delight and how grateful I am she still lets me in her room.

She just walked up the stairs and said, “I love my room.” Ahhhhhhh!

Practice: Today, write down all the gifts your child or children bring you. See even the difficult aspects they offer, in a new light. Remember, our children are always offering us their love, even when we can’t see it as such.

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