I grew up with a rageful mom so spent most of my life avoiding all situations which triggered my rage.
I was terrified I would be like her so kept a lid on my rage by avoiding going deeper in a relationship.
When I adopted my daughter I had HUGE expectations on myself to be perfect which translated to never feeling or expressing rage.
This required an intense level of control over her which meant I wasn’t available to hear her rage.
The more I repressed the more she ROARED and I found myself living in a house of RAGE.
I felt overwhelming shame and sadness when I heard myself raging just like my mom.
I was hiding behind closed doors and still trying to present to the world I had it all together.
Honestly, I was terrified I was a rageful person and I felt lost and filled with despair fearing I would never find a way through.
The hardest point in my parenting was when I chose to look in the mirror and face into my rage.
Rage became the great awakener. It awakened an intense longing to go in for self-love and self-care.
I began to sit with feelings of rage instead of trying to create a perfect child, a perfect world or be a perfect mom.
As I did I began to gently peak underneath the rage to find a terrified vulnerable child who needed loving kindness and understanding.
Even as I write this my heart melts and I surrender to the tenderness of my vulnerability.
You can too.
Once you see rage as the great awakener instead of the demon destroyer you can begin to heed the call to turn back toward the vulnerable child in you.
I’d love to show you how so come join my free Facebook group where you’ll receive a weekly practice to support you in turning back toward yourself with loving kindness.
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