If only I was perfect, I’d always know the right thing to do. If only I was perfect, I’d say the right thing and be able to protect my daughter from all pain. If only I was perfect, I’d be the perfect mom and have the perfect kid! WRONG!
When I step into perfection thinking, I’ve stepped out of present moment loving.
I waited until I was 44 to become a Mom. One of the reasons I waited so long was because I was so afraid of not being perfect. I knew, in my mind, how I wanted to raise my children and yet whenever I began taking steps to make this a reality, all my doubts and fears rose up. What if I screwed them up? What if I couldn’t be the mom I wanted to be? Could I really deal with the realities of being a parent? It was much easier to fantasize my role as a parent instead of stepping into it full blown.
Fortunately, my intense mama desire won out and I adopted my daughter. Instead of having the perfect pregnancy, the perfect birth and the perfect first 9 months of me taking care of all her needs, I was matched with a 9 month old child, 12 lbs. 10 ozs., malnourished and desperate for love. Instead of golden blonde hair and baby blue eyes she had intense penetrating black eyes and jet black hair. She was PERFECT! And so was I. We were the perfect match for each other.
Sometimes, as parents, things turn out different than we imagined and yet we must remember that it is all perfect. All the things I have learned, and embraced over the last 11 years have been perfect. I haven’t been able to control all the externals and yet I’ve learned to go internal to find stillness and my intuition in how to be with my daughter in the present. Often I feel inadequate, to protect her from pain, and yet when I return to my sweet embrace its always perfect. I’ve heard myself yelling and felt shame and guilt and yet I always return to love, expanded in my capacity to love myself and her, it has been perfect.
I’ve never experienced myself, so fully, the light and dark sides and I’m grateful that I’m not striving for perfection. I’m taking each day as a gift, the joys and the challenges. I chose to be a MOM! So, I choose to embrace all that it awakens in me. So can you!
Practice: Morning Mama/Daddy Practice: As I awaken I love myself as a Mama/Dad. This is a new day and I smile knowing each day is a new beginning. I embrace each of my children for who they are and all they will bring to me, this day, both challenges and joys.
Tags: daughter, love, parenting, Perfect mom
As I was heading to a parenting talk, at a local preschool, my daughter nonchalantly asked me what I was going to talk about. I told her parenting. She asked, “what about parenting?” “Well”, I said “I share with the parents what I’ve learned from parenting you.” I told her “I’ve learned that you require a lot of freedom and when I try to control you, to get you to do what I want, things always go bad.” She smiled, in the back seat, and said, “Mom, you tell those parents if you control your children they won’t turn out perfect but if you give them freedom they will.” Well, as my jaw dropped I found myself penetrating the depth of this statement. 
My daughter has wanted a puppy for quite awhile. She adores dogs and yet when we had talked about caring for a dog, in the past, ie: pick up poop and walk, she quickly said she wasn’t ready. She will be 11 in a couple of weeks so the conversation moved back to her readiness. She was SURE she was ready so the hunt began. 
As my daughter grows and expands her circle of friends and influence, I feel less connected. When I become aware the connection is shifting a part of me begins to panic. As I feel this panic rising up, ready to grab me, I start scrambling to re-connect with my daughter. The problem is that I try to connect in the old ways and when she doesn’t respond I start feeling like I must be doing something “wrong”. This feeling only exacerbates my fear and I start getting needy and desperate for her to connect instead of connecting with myself and my fear. No matter what I offer, to her, from this place she politely says, no! Back to the drawing board…..
I often contemplate these words. What does it mean to trust myself instead of putting my trust in someone or something outside? What I have learned is that no matter what I am hearing, from the outside, I still need to go inside and see what my guidance says.
Being open and responsive to our child’s need can be challenging when we are struggling with our own. When I’m stressed out and haven’t resourced I have a hard time seeing my daughter’s need as anything except one more thing I’m responsible for. I shut down and flip a switch which says “take care of yourself, or even worse take care of me.” Our connection suffers and I’m always left feeling alone and like a “bad” mama. 
Kim, on my Facebook fan page, asked me, “how do I get my son to eat healthier and more of a variety? ” Thanks, Kim…I love this topic for I hear about food issues a lot. 
OMG! It has finally happened! I AM ANNOYING! Now, the funniest part is I was talking with another parent about her son being annoying and how hard it is to be the annoying one. That night, in her sleep, my daughter yells out, “You are so annoying.” I told my client the next day that I’m even annoying in my sleep! Too funny!
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