If only I was perfect, I’d always know the right thing to do. If only I was perfect, I’d say the right thing and be able to protect my daughter from all pain. If only I was perfect, I’d be the perfect mom and have the perfect kid! WRONG!
When I step into perfection thinking, I’ve stepped out of present moment loving.
I waited until I was 44 to become a Mom. One of the reasons I waited so long was because I was so afraid of not being perfect. I knew, in my mind, how I wanted to raise my children and yet whenever I began taking steps to make this a reality, all my doubts and fears rose up. What if I screwed them up? What if I couldn’t be the mom I wanted to be? Could I really deal with the realities of being a parent? It was much easier to fantasize my role as a parent instead of stepping into it full blown.
Fortunately, my intense mama desire won out and I adopted my daughter. Instead of having the perfect pregnancy, the perfect birth and the perfect first 9 months of me taking care of all her needs, I was matched with a 9 month old child, 12 lbs. 10 ozs., malnourished and desperate for love. Instead of golden blonde hair and baby blue eyes she had intense penetrating black eyes and jet black hair. She was PERFECT! And so was I. We were the perfect match for each other.
Sometimes, as parents, things turn out different than we imagined and yet we must remember that it is all perfect. All the things I have learned, and embraced over the last 11 years have been perfect. I haven’t been able to control all the externals and yet I’ve learned to go internal to find stillness and my intuition in how to be with my daughter in the present. Often I feel inadequate, to protect her from pain, and yet when I return to my sweet embrace its always perfect. I’ve heard myself yelling and felt shame and guilt and yet I always return to love, expanded in my capacity to love myself and her, it has been perfect.
I’ve never experienced myself, so fully, the light and dark sides and I’m grateful that I’m not striving for perfection. I’m taking each day as a gift, the joys and the challenges. I chose to be a MOM! So, I choose to embrace all that it awakens in me. So can you!
Practice: Morning Mama/Daddy Practice: As I awaken I love myself as a Mama/Dad. This is a new day and I smile knowing each day is a new beginning. I embrace each of my children for who they are and all they will bring to me, this day, both challenges and joys.