Today, while talking with a friend, I realized how often when feeling my own fear and worry about my daughter, I am literally saying “I fear you”. Instead of telling her “I love you” I’m giving her the message that “who” she is and “how” she is causes fear in me. When I am in that fearful state, the meta message I am giving her is that “I fear you”. A huge light bulb went off in my mind when I saw it this way. If that is the message my daughter receives, I can see why she wouldn’t want to come toward me. She doesn’t hear my words as concern for her, she hears that she is the cause of my fear. No wonder, she would need to move away from this interpretation to take care of herself. So, when I perceive that she is pushing my sage advice away, I once again have to see what state of being I am in. Fear or love?
When I am in a state of love, I actively say “I love you”. We use to tease each other and say “I love me” to each other because this is how it often feels. When my heart is open and I’m loving where I am ,I reach out and say “I love you.”.
When my heart is closed and I’m worrying, I’m saying”I fear you”, even though I don’t have to say the actual words. My energy speaks loud and clear and she is getting the message from my own internal fear.
Opening our hearts, to our own worry, instead of projecting it onto our children is a very important step. When we are in a place of open heartedness in ourselves, they will be able to hear our words.