Today, I found myself picking up one of my favorite books, The Journey by Arnold Patent. I opened to the page on Self-Validation. “Self-validation means accepting, appreciating and loving myself unconditionally as whole and complete just the way I am. The signal that I have not reached that place is when I look for someone or something for validation.”
This made me contemplate on how often I seek validation from my daughter. When I’m feeling down on myself and wanting to know I’m a good mom, I look to her for validation. Of course, when I’m in that space, she validates the false belief I’m viewing myself through. I’m unworthy. When I believe this is true, I look outside to confirm this belief. My daughter, does a great service by shining the light on this false belief.
When I’m able to accept and appreciate myself, I don’t ask my daughter to do it for me. When I’m in this space, I’m able to be available to her and all her expressions, knowing she is finding her way to acceptance of herself. When she feels my deep appreciation, for who she is, not for how she acts, she can see herself as whole and complete just the way she is.
Practice: Begin to notice when you are seeking your child’s acceptance and validation for being a good parent. See how critical and demanding you get when you need to hear from them how important you are. When you notice, take a moment, sit with yourself, and acknowledge how important you are to you.