I never would have thought the best parenting I’ve done could be seen, by some parenting experts, as the worst. Whew, does that make sense at all? I continue to notice situations where I’ve had the least agenda is where my daughter is thriving.
An example is bed time. My daughter has never been given a bed time. (This was my parenting no no) Being a single mom, I found, on most nights, by 8pm I was toast. So, instead of setting a designated bedtime, for my daughter, we would both start heading upstairs around 7pm. She never questioned this movement because we were doing it together. We would begin, our routine, together and from 7pm to 8pm was our sweet cuddle time. Bed time was always a seamless event in our home. We went down together, and if I needed to get back up later, I would.
What I witness, now at 10 years old, is her being able to regulate bedtime knowing when to go down and when to arise. She doesn’t need me, as an external force, to guide her. It’s actually amazing to watch. Now remember, I had NOTHING to do with this as far as being the external dictate. I was tired and needed to go down. This is what I mean as being an accident and not a conscious decision to parent in this way. I was just relaxed and followed my own internal rhythm, which she picked up on, and the relationship became the primary connection, not getting to bed on time.
The more I relax, focusing on our connection rather than parenting the “right” way, she flourishes showing me the true nature of parenting: pure joy…..
Practice: Begin to notice, in your parenting, the areas where you have very little agenda about how things are done. See, if in these areas, your child is relaxed and able to take on their own agenda, showing you the way.