Tag Archive: relaxation

Will They Do The “Right” Thing?

November 27th, 2011 Joy Based Parenting, Parenting Advice 1 Comment

I find it extremely challenging to trust that my daughter will do the “right” thing if I don’t constantly remind her or hold her to my standard.  So, as a parent, I made a choice not to take over my daughter’s business and trust that she will do the “right” thing for her.  It hasn’t been easy to sit with my discomfort when she says “no” to a request from a friend.   What I have found is that she does have her own internal knowing and when I get out of the way she has a chance to own her decisions.

She babysits for a little girl in our neighborhood every Wednesday morning.  This little girl adores my daughter and looks forward to their time together.  Two weeks ago my daughter had an opportunity to spend the day with an adult friend of mine instead of babysitting.  She easily called the little girl and told her she wouldn’t be able to watch her.  The little girl was sad and wanted to know why?  My daughter explained but still decided to go with my friend.

Part of me wanted to hold her to her responsibility and yet I left the decision up to her.  It was challenging since I know the mother of the little girl and wanted to take care of her.  (my old care taking mode cropping up) I held my ground and let my daughter take care of herself.

This week the same situation arose.  As she contemplated the day she all of a sudden said, “Oh, I’m supposed to watch M on Wednesday. I’ll just have to let her know I can’t.”  I told her she needed to call M and let her know.  I thought this was the end of it until a few minutes later she comes down and tells me she is going to my friends tonight and tomorrow.  I ask her why the change?  She says, “M really likes when I come to babysit her and I don’t want to disappoint her again.”  Well, lordy be.  She does know!  I had nothing to do with this whole encounter.

Learning to trust that your child will find their way can be one of the hardest aspects of parenting.  I promise you it is the BEST part when you can relax, honor their truth and know that they will do the “right” thing for them.

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Relaxing

May 2nd, 2010 Joy Based Parenting, Parenting Advice, Single Parenting No comments

I never would have thought the best parenting I’ve done could be seen, by some parenting experts, as the worst. Whew, does that make sense at all? I continue to notice situations where I’ve had the least agenda is where my daughter is thriving.

An example is bed time. My daughter has never been given a bed time. (This was my parenting no no) Being a single mom, I found, on most nights, by 8pm I was toast. So, instead of setting a designated bedtime, for my daughter, we would both start heading upstairs around 7pm. She never questioned this movement because we were doing it together. We would begin, our routine, together and from 7pm to 8pm was our sweet cuddle time. Bed time was always a seamless event in our home. We went down together, and if I needed to get back up later, I would.

What I witness, now at 10 years old, is her being able to regulate bedtime knowing when to go down and when to arise. She doesn’t need me, as an external force, to guide her. It’s actually amazing to watch. Now remember, I had NOTHING to do with this as far as being the external dictate. I was tired and needed to go down. This is what I mean as being an accident and not a conscious decision to parent in this way. I was just relaxed and followed my own internal rhythm, which she picked up on, and the relationship became the primary connection, not getting to bed on time.

The more I relax, focusing on our connection rather than parenting the “right” way, she flourishes showing me the true nature of parenting: pure joy…..

Practice: Begin to notice, in your parenting, the areas where you have very little agenda about how things are done. See, if in these areas, your child is relaxed and able to take on their own agenda, showing you the way.

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