Tag Archive: support

Will They Do The “Right” Thing?

November 27th, 2011 Joy Based Parenting, Parenting Advice 1 Comment

I find it extremely challenging to trust that my daughter will do the “right” thing if I don’t constantly remind her or hold her to my standard.  So, as a parent, I made a choice not to take over my daughter’s business and trust that she will do the “right” thing for her.  It hasn’t been easy to sit with my discomfort when she says “no” to a request from a friend.   What I have found is that she does have her own internal knowing and when I get out of the way she has a chance to own her decisions.

She babysits for a little girl in our neighborhood every Wednesday morning.  This little girl adores my daughter and looks forward to their time together.  Two weeks ago my daughter had an opportunity to spend the day with an adult friend of mine instead of babysitting.  She easily called the little girl and told her she wouldn’t be able to watch her.  The little girl was sad and wanted to know why?  My daughter explained but still decided to go with my friend.

Part of me wanted to hold her to her responsibility and yet I left the decision up to her.  It was challenging since I know the mother of the little girl and wanted to take care of her.  (my old care taking mode cropping up) I held my ground and let my daughter take care of herself.

This week the same situation arose.  As she contemplated the day she all of a sudden said, “Oh, I’m supposed to watch M on Wednesday. I’ll just have to let her know I can’t.”  I told her she needed to call M and let her know.  I thought this was the end of it until a few minutes later she comes down and tells me she is going to my friends tonight and tomorrow.  I ask her why the change?  She says, “M really likes when I come to babysit her and I don’t want to disappoint her again.”  Well, lordy be.  She does know!  I had nothing to do with this whole encounter.

Learning to trust that your child will find their way can be one of the hardest aspects of parenting.  I promise you it is the BEST part when you can relax, honor their truth and know that they will do the “right” thing for them.

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Grace

July 1st, 2010 Joy Based Parenting, Parenting Advice, Single Parenting No comments

I have prided myself, as a single mom, in being self-reliant. I can do it all has been my motto! Hand me a challenge and watch me power down and make it through. Phew! Even writing about it makes me tired. Where did I get the idea that it was an asset to hold it all up? I’m sure it was from childhood but why I’ve carried it all these years is a mystery.

Quitting my job, pulling my daughter out of school and supporting a friend after the sudden death of her husband has brought me to my knees. Uncle, I scream to the universe and then I realize I’m the one who is holding up this crazy concept. The universe is offering grace, at all moments, I just have to be open to accepting the truth. Yes, I am a single mom and it is easy to buy into the illusion that it is all up to me. Shutting the door to grace only makes life harder. Opening the door can also be challenging because when it opens, the support rushes in. Can I accept it? You bet! It is time we all live in the absolute truth and open to the abundance and love which is always available.

As I open, I relax and my daughter relaxes. As I live in the truth, my daughter does also. I choose to live in grace, showing her the way. She is supported in life. She is grace! It is really this simple when I choose to see it this way.

Practice: Today, see if you can slow down, relax and open to grace entering your life. Watch what happens to your children as you open and receive the support that is always there.

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Seeing Clearly

April 17th, 2010 Joy Based Parenting, Parenting Advice No comments

My daughter just learned to braid her hair. Yesterday she was able to do it, to her liking, and was very proud of herself. This morning she woke up, trying to repeat the braid and wasn’t able to do it. In her frustration, she yelled at me, to come help her. I was in the bath, so couldn’t come right away, which frustrated her even more. At that point, nothing I could do was right. It was all my fault that her hair wouldn’t cooperate. She came stomping into the bathroom, seemingly angry with me and when I offered to help she got even angrier.

Sometimes when this happens, I get triggered and get mad at her for being mad at me. I’m just the innocent mom, taking a bath…Right? When this happens I end up making it her fault and miss the whole point of her need. Today, without getting triggered, I was able to ask her why she was so frustrated. Instead of adding to her distress, I could support her and actually step in offering a helping hand. When I’m not triggered, seeing clearly that her frustration is not about me, I can help her see clearly. This gives her support to work through her frustration in a positive way.

Practice: When your child is frustrated and turns it toward you, try pausing before you respond. Remember, even though she may be aiming the frustration toward you, its not about you. See if you can stay centered, opening to her expression instead of controlling it. If you can stay open, she can find her way through with your support.

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