Today we will be talking about what Joy-Based Parenting is. To do this we must fist define the word love in the context we will be using. We often think of love, for our child, as “caring” for them but in the dictionary care, the noun, is defined as “a state of mind in which one is troubled; worry, anxiety, or concern” . Even though, we feel many of these things, in relation to our children, they all have more to do with the head than the heart. Love is not an emotion.
Unconditional love describes neutrality-the absence of judgments, censorship, desire and worry. This is why it is so critical, that we reference back to our own experience in relation to our child’s behavior. If I am feeling, judgmental, critical or worried in relation to my daughters behavior, she is going to feel the energy of these emotions and I know that I am not going to make a “loving” move toward her. I may get her to stop a behavior, that causes me discomfort, and yet the price I pay is her feeling controlled and misunderstood. This creates a fear response, in her, and a move away from me since I am not a safe emotional presence. Energetically, this is actually appropriate because she is reading the energy of my emotional state, which doesn’t attract her toward me but repels her away.
Even though I may defend and justify my actions, as caring, I am always left with a feeling that I just used “love” as a commodity, to get my daughter to do what I wanted her to do. My heart hurts, and then my own judgments and criticisms of myself take precedent. A vicious energetic cycle begins, and then “fear” pushes us both further from each other, while “love” is just a moment away for it always exist, even when the illusion of fear is present. Stepping into my love and therefore moving to a more neutral space, within myself, allows me to reach out again and open the door to my heart. Example tomorrow!